guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
vagina is talking i cant
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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