I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
