Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
