I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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