and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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