i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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