I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
