It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
