her vagine was all disorganized.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
