She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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