If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
