I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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