It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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