His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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