I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
