I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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