Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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