I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
