Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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