theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
