before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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