moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
