Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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