Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
