I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex on a dog bed..
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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