If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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