I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
