Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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