Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
two words: eviction party
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
