i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need to sanitize my soul.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
