If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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