I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
