apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
