Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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