hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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