May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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