Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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