I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize