I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
