TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
