I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
