my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
