these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
