hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
