Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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