Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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