We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
