Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
