Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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