I can feel you judging me through the phone.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
